Sometimes, something just comes along that you’re not expecting and you’ve never heard of because you haven’t been paying any fucking attention and then here it is, sitting in your lap, warming your cockles in front of the Christmas fire and that “you” I mentioned a few times before is actually me and, for real, I fucking loved this thing. Humor, or even appreciation of things in general, doesn’t come to me in screaming and yelling and making large shit noises or herpes jokes, I like it more – subtle. Like several years ago when the kid from across the street really worked up the nerve to come ask if he could ride his three wheeler down the driveway since it has a steep angle. This behavior was approved, his parents gave him a lengthy lesson about looking for passing cars and then he raced onward! And downward! But he didn’t really know how to use the brakes so he slammed into the curb across the street and his body flew forward and he got up and ran down the street crying about how bad he hurt his Pee Pee and all I could think was, “Well, you probably shouldn’t have done that in the first place.”

Or – see my favorite comic from The Perry Bible Fellowship (disclaimer below). You see three panels of goodness and then the Most Distinguished puts his hand in the air, like “Well. That just makes sense.”

Or how, the other day, someone that I like read what I wrote about Red Christmas, noticed a couple of words in my piece and then tagged the comments with #jizztowel and this place got a bunch of hits from a country in Asia and I thought “I probably shouldn’t have done that in the first place.” But this movie is filled with a bunch of things like that, that I really liked (not Pee Pees and Jizz Towels, though). More like:

#brokenovenglass

or

#idontneedaparent

or even

#thishasonionsonit

What’s it about? A wolfman is terrorizing a snow covered ski town. And taking feminine body parts. Or is it just someone tall? Will the recovering alcoholic cop be able to bring the suspect killer to justice? Or will it be his sheriff dad who got eleven emails in one day! ? Who through the beer bottle at the police car and who is going to help the snowboard instructor find a nice guy? When will anyone just get the chance to be fucking right for once??

This thing is filled with characters I could totally relate to (even the librarian!) or even hang around with in my real life – my favorite, I suppose, being the one played by the actress above. There’s not a lot of pictures from this movie for me to pilfer off of the internet, so there’s a head shot and even though she’s the customer who has to take care of the sandwich with onions on it, she’s also the one who describes the truck or van with newspaper clippings from the 50s all over it (during a brilliant montage) and later whips out a high caliber handgun to go investigate a disturbance.

As this piece wraps up, I’ve been trying to think of things I didn’t like about this movie and can’t pinpoint anything. The opening credits are solid. Dead body in a trashcan? Check. Seam rippers? You got it. This site was designed to be about the miasma that surrounds horror movies in general but this is one of those movies that I wish I had been a part of so I’ll classify this under FUCK YEAH, SON and most likely go back to watching something shitty.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! (If that’s what you’re in to)