wander (2020)

Let’s see here – what are we addressing today? My horrible typing skills? No. My constant war with The Arrogant Comma? I see that’s not on the agenda. How – no matter what I think of it, people have the desire to use pronouns in their auto signature at work? Jesus Fucking Christ. From here on out I would like to go by Film Miasma (It / It’s). Notice my use of the possessive apostrophe. That ‘ means it’s mine. That is It’s beer. This is It’s hamburger. Goddamn It’s allergies are killing It this afternoon. BUT! That’s not what we’re her for.


Film Miasma (It / It’s)

Wander! The latest conspiracy theory movie to cross It’s path. What do I think of such things? I feel like I’m a well rounded person and, I’m a Sagittarius so I am open to almost any new thing – even though I just don’t want to bother anyone – but, I also feel like I do my homework and get to know the facts in my own way and see what’s up. My friend [NAME REDACTED] and I decided long ago that “A man has to try something for himself to learn if he likes it or not” so let’s see. Also, Rule #2 was / is “If your best friend turns into a vampire, you kill him, no questions.”

Aliens or non-Earth life? I do believe.
Hollow Earth? I do not believe.
Last Thursday? Sounds like horseshit.
Flat Earth? I don’t understand the arguments for it. Convince me why you think this. I don’t get it. I mean, and not to be too simple, I live on a hill so I can see with my own eyes and using my good brains, I know it’s not flat. Do Flat Earthers really mean “Angled Earth”? I don’t understand.
Shapeshifting reptilians from time before man? How do I put this in words? *Loooooooooooooooooooooong shrug with a longer eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmmmm* I can buy it. Ehhhhhhhhh…… Maybe they’re not identical to Sleestak but I worked with some really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really, really, really weird people in that restaurant.
5G? I was working on 5G before the SJWs were born and it was originally meant to be faster machine to machine communication. I do not at all believe that we got chipped and the governments are using bats to fly around in the night and turn our good brains into bad brains.
I would LOVE to discuss my theory and belief about angels and demons with someone. Note: I don’t buy into the bible shit.

Does [NAME REDACTED] have [REDACT] and [REDACT] spend his [REDACT] [REDACT]ing [REDACT] with [REDACT] and [REDACT]. I’m going to link this to our friend Blogferatu but he might want me to [REDACT] myself so this last sentence may change.

In this, our movie friend Aaron Eckhart (who I’ve always liked) plays a man with troubles in his brains, living out in the New Mexico (I think?) (I could very well be wrong) desert, doing some P.I. work here and there and running a podcast at night about government cover-ups with his good buddy Tommy lee Jones (who I have also always liked). Most of the things I gleaned from their podcasts in this unnecessary shaky cam thing is that they believe people live in underground tunnels and the government steals people and conducts secret tests on them for all of the government’s nefarious and evil purposes. I did NOT gather if they were talking about the very apparent existence of sewage lines that help propel our rain water and human waste out of our homes and streets but, I do think, that’s neither here nor there and if we’re talking about C.H.U.D., Morlocks or the things we’ve been taught are demons (see bullet above), Eckhart and Jones are all about them. (If you were super curious, you could do some searching on underground cities in the middle east avoiding things on CNN)

I did mention they go on about government implants and such shit, right? Yes! Turns out when Eckhart was a cop and his family was almost killed, he ran across one of these strange, government implanty things, a mystery government lady and has since gone off into the amazing world of conspiracy and government coverup. As one does.

I must step to the side here and say my peace. Despite his character – or maybe him personally, I don’t know – being such as he is with his boots tucked into his jeans and his unbrushed hair and his listening device scanners and his concerns about tunnels, there’s one thing that REALLY bothered me this entire movie that made me have a hard time with it. It wasn’t the handheld camera movement (so much) or the why-man-why use of non-linear editing (??) but – being a man who has worn facial hair for most of his post puberty life, seeing how he doesn’t bathe and has an unkempt head and face full of hair….. they show an awful lot of close-ups on his face (a LOT) and his fucking moustache is perfectly trimmed above his upper lip the entire time.

Now – that shouldn’t bother me, right? That shouldn’t bother anyone you [REDACT]ing [REDACT], [NAME REDACTED]. OK – TIC TIC TIC TIC. I couldn’t move past it. Having lip hair, if it gets over my lip I chew it like some sort of rabbit or fuck with it with my fingers, no doubt spreading some sort of germs from that dog I just petted or, GOD FUCKING HELP ME – a doorknob. So, as often as we see his face squirming or his eyes waggling back and forth while his brains churn and churn, his upper lip is perfectly trimmed and THERE’S NO WAY THAT HAPPENS when you’re in this state of life. I mean, that might be worse than going outside to have a smoke and just standing there on a crack in the sidewalk like some sort of lunatic. Or leaving a half eaten burrito on your desk. Or starting a new bar of soap on, like, a WEDNESDAY.

As we take a breather and take stock of things, Heather Graham us in this, if you’ve missed her.

Aside from that terrible, terrible business, I didn’t think this was some sort of bad piece of work. I didn’t like (and never have) the handheld gimmick, there seemed to be no reason for the jumpy timeline and I didn’t understand why the ‘government lady’ was always dressed like that. Did she bring her own wardrobe? It just seemed off and distracting. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut – there’s a million worse things out there to sit through, right?


4 thoughts on “wander (2020)

  1. I can’t relate to the facial hair thing but I do LOVE conspiracy theories! Even though I don’t believe them. Usually. Maybe. Sometimes. Aliens just don’t bother with us because humans fucking suck. I’d stay away from us too! 🙂

    Heather Graham is cute. (But she’s always the License To Drive chick to me). God I’m old.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too! Maybe. Occasionally. A lot of them. Probably. Maybe.

      Lol humans do suck. And, maybe, because we suck so bad that’s why, when aliens visit, all they want to do is stick things up our butts. Maybe. Probably. Lol


      That was Graham? Jeez I’m so old I forgot and that’s not something I feel like I’d forget.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You know, I just spent WAY too much time trying to figure out who they made a skin flick with. I thought we were talking about this movie and I’ve been confused for, what, a week? Then I did it – Nicole Eggert. That’s the one.



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