If you’re following along even at all, first -> bless you. Second, it’s true that I’ve seen all of these movies before, which is and was the impetus for this series so I know what I’m getting into here and – I can say that this one is my favorite of the bunch. I would use the term “it’s the tits” like we used to say back in the 80s but I don’t know if that would get me in more trouble but, this movie is the tits. It’s silly, it’s stupid, there’s possession and wait-in-line, soapy boob shower scenes, I don’t think anyone wears any pants and it all ties back to the first Slumber Party Massacre that I loved. Yes! Goal! Win! Today I’m going to learn how to fly! I don’t know where that last part came from but – woo – yep – I love this one over and over. Third – this was also the WHY I wanted to do my crime board in the first place and, while I don’t think The JB reads out here lately, if you did: “This is It’s Design”. HERE WE GO!
In this one, five new sorority sisters have bought the house from Sorority House Massacre for dirt cheap, because five years earlier there had been a massacre in it: “The Hockstatter killings”. You would think that Hockstatter would be the deranged, asylum escapee, brother from Sorority House Massacre who did all of the killing then. But – no – you would be wrong – in this movie Hockstatter is the deranged killer from Slumber Party Massacre (the first one – the guy with the magic power drill that never needed electricity) who was named Russ . They even interweave scenes from Slumber Party into the intro here. According to this, YES, this is the house where the girls lived in “SPM”, even though it is absolutely NOT, where the Russ offed his own family. Here, his wife was the possibly-gay basketball coach and his kids were two of the SPM girls. Even though they are now living in the mansion from Sorority House Massacre where what’s her name’s brother was out for vengeance. Here’s a new butthole, Continuity!
So what we have here, to start, is, five scantily clad sorority sisters have bought the house from SHM, which was also (not) the home of Russ / Hockstatter who killed everyone in SPM, there’s no electricity but everything’s being delivered in the morning, so they are going to stay the night, a storm (with shit bad special effect lightning) is coming, and there is a, um, er, special man living across the street who had to clean up the house after the SPM killings. BUT! He won’t go in the basement, because “that’s where Hockstatter kept his tools” (even though, in SPM, he got his power drill out of the telephone company van). Do you follow? Yes? Read on!
P.S. If you look at IMDB – Hockstatter is listed as Hockstetter and THAT’S WRONG! No one does their research like Film Miasma, motherfuckers. See below.
Shortly before our girls disrobe for the evening, we learn the man across the way, who eats raw meat out of a bowl while watching TV, is named Orville Ketchum. Cut to a crime scene in downtown. There is a curious man and woman police team (they might be father and daughter if, apparently, he had a daughter when he was about five because they seem to be the same age). Anyway, the man was the first beat cop on the infamous Hockstatter massacre and I guess, to try and clean this up, we get a line in the form of “Yeah, Hockstatter’s dead, but there was a neighbor, 300 pounds of bad news”. I honestly can’t remember why they’re even talking about it.
Anyway, without heat or hot water, they all decide to either take cold showers or strip naked and get into their dainties and use a Ouija board to summon Hockstatter, because – yes! The pointy thing flies into the fireplace and they all decide to go to bed. Well three of them do – of the other two, one gives the other a massage and it turns out one of them is bopping the other’s boyfriend! Oh no – one storms off in a heat to drink the Tequila and gets the HOOK. Blood splatters everywhere (but it’s not there later). Now – still clad in only panties and lingerie, the last four go looking for her. Two upstairs, two downstairs. Into the creepy attic! AW SHIT – there’s a set bear trap up there! She steps in it! Another hook! This movie is fucking awesome.
Now there are three of them left. They discover the bodies of their friends when their bodies start dripping blood on them from where they hang in the basement rafters. What?? OK! SCREAM! They run upstairs and decide to get the hell out of there. Do they go get their clothes? No! They grab the fakest looking kitchen knives ever made and hey run out into the rain – Ketchum is there! SCREAM! Back inside! One of them was too scared to go in the attic and lock the attic window they somehow know is open! Upstairs! 300 pound Ketchum is climbing the water pipe! The one that gets water to the attic! What?? OK! One heads back down in a panic! Ketchum is in the house somehow! SCREAM! She runs to the bathroom! One of them heads down to get the other! Someone busts in the bathroom with the hook! Ketchum is in the attic! She stabs him with the plastic knife! He’s not dead! She strangles him with a chain! Downstairs for the others, she’s in the bathroom; the tub is filled with blood! Her friend rises from the tub nude and grabs her neck! Oh wait she dies! Back downstairs! The phone rings! It’s Clive Hockstatter’s dead wife! She’s asking for Clive! WHAT???? OK!! There are two left! Jessica and Linda! Jessica is in the basement, beckoning for Linda to “coooooommmmeeee here”. She’s possessed with the spirit of Clive! Her hair is messed up! She’s wearing men’s clothes! WHAT??? She’s got a hook! She’s the killer! Jessica: “Please call my Clive…” Linda: “OH MY GOD THE SÉANCE!!!”
I don’t want to spoil how this ends but, god damn, this is good stuff. The Hockstatter Proof is in the bottom of my chart. If you’re obliged, you can click on that this and it will open in a new page. There – you can scroll down and click it again to enlarge it into it’s full beautifulness. SOON – maybe we can figure out a way to make some posters so you can put them on your bedroom walls or even in your dining room where they will be the talk of all of your dinner guests. !!
Filed under: MIASMA COLLECTIONS, SLASHERS AND CHICKS