a double feature: the widow (2020) and sauna (2008)

{SCRZZZZZACK ZIIICCCCHHH SCRZZZZZK]: BOY DID I GET FUCKING FOOLED BY THE TRAILER ON THIS ONE.

{SKKZZZZZZZZCCCCCCCHHHHKKKKK SCRAAAAACCCCKKKKKKK ZZZZXKH] OOF

That’s an example of my face after watching this thing.

A group of Russian – uh – well – some sort of Russian search and rescue squad get dispatched into the woods to find a missing couple of boys. Is this a common thing out there? “Hi, here’s a satellite call, go find two boys missing in the fields. Thanks, Rasputin”. I’m not sure if that was the dispatcher’s real name or not but some people get sent out in their service vehicle to find some kids. Wouldn’t you know it? They get lost, trespass, run across a witch and end up fucking dead. Lucky for us, there’s a reporter and her camera guy to record the entire thing, human cocoons and all.

I suppose it is the right thing to do to mention that my knowledge of Russian history and their mythology is limited to:

– What I was told in my U.S. History classes in high school about how the fucking Commies were trying to bake us all and take over the world with their political pervertedness
-What I read in old 80s X-Men comics involving Colossus
-What I learned during multiple viewings of the movie Sauna (which might be a better use of our time to touch on that later but we’ll see)

So yeah,

These folks go into the woods and get lost and die.

If I did have to give this movie some props because we at Film Miasma are FAIR – this does have some nice drone cinematography and location AND there’s a shot where someone gets a flare in the mouth and they pulled that off nicely so, well done!

{SCRZCHZZACK ZIIICKKKHH SCRZZAAAAZZZK]: [INTERJECT\\INTERFERE\\DISRUPT\\STATIC]

Other than that, I felt like this movie stunk and didn’t care for it at all but it did make me think of Sauna, an older (apparently 2008) movie that I rented at Blockbuster so long ago and kept because I liked it so much. That was a DVD and it’s stuck in an upstairs closet in some box of other DVDs that I can’t watch these days as I have no DVD player. I do have lots of streaming options but I can’t seem to ever find this thing so I’ll try and cut some things out of something I wrote a long time ago because it is infinitely better than The Widow.

“This movie is Finnish, subtitled and full of so much ancient Swedish-Christian and Russian-Pagan imagery that I doubt any casual, intelligent viewer will ever likely figure out what exactly is truly going on.  I’ve watched this three times since I first ever saw it at the local DVD store shelf, and each time I come away with a little better understanding (I think). All three times I have loved the filmmaking, the actors, the director, the props, the setting, the film and what I think I understand of the story, but each time I also think “what are these Swedish bastards saying here that I don’t get because I think I’m smart and I should understand everything??!!?” Quick synopsis:  after a long war between Russia and Sweden is finally over, two “commissions” of soldiers and mapmakers are sent to map a new border between the two countries of a deserted, cold, hard wasteland. Two of the men, Swedish brothers (a very hard soldier and a geologist) commit a crime and are subsequently haunted, leading up to cryptic, hard to decipher atonements for their sins.  The movie is bleak and grim throughout and does not contain a happy ending”

End quote.

I don’t know if that will entice you to search it out or tell me to fuck myself but that things is really, really good. Aside from my lack of understanding of everything that comes to effect in this beauty, I was left with two things: one is that I always want to have a place at the porridge table and the other is this has the coolest fucking demon-thing I’ve seen back then and maybe since that also gave me one of my favorite movie quotes, the simple: “My Beloved.”. Here’s a still and a poor looking clip I found on YouTube. NOTE: this is the end of the movie but I don’t think it’s a big spoiler or anything.

Whoever is filming that off of their TV set doesn’t have his or her English subtitles on for my pleasure but that’s the part where he calls the girl “My Beloved”. I don’t exactly understand what’s really happening but – in my mind – it’s beautiful.

To close, that shit I tried to do with the static interference was originally thought of as funny, like I was cutting into my own post like that shitty found footage we started today with. Then – I don’t know what the fuck was going on with this post but I had nothing but technical problems formatting this entire goddamned thing so it was just me being pissed off. Maybe it was that guy from the end.

THE WIDOW FILED UNDER: CRAP

SAUNA FILED UNDER: FUCK YEAH, SON

14 thoughts on “a double feature: the widow (2020) and sauna (2008)

      1. You know, this could have used some of that good Russian dancing where they bend down and kick their legs out and wave their arms all over the place. THAT would have made Stalin proud!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I just watched that! A question: DO YOU REALLY DO THAT??? If so – I am forever impressed and bow to you!! God damn I wish I could do that… I’m serious… I’ve never been that limber in my life….

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Ha! Okay, I cheat a bit. I don’t fully do the leg bits on Just Dance & the kid tells me off for it. The controller is only on your wrist so you really only need to move your arms to score… 😉

        #Rasputin
        #CantDanceAtTheMomentThough ☹️

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well, if I tried to do ANY of it, I’d break! Hahaha I mean crycrycrycry. The other day I slept in too long and my fucking back hurt all goddammed day. And, to make matters worse, I had a brownie for breakfast today at work and I just realized I must have dropped some bits of it in my chair and sat on them so now it probably looks like I shit my pants.

        Great.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s