swallow (2019)

This is that movie about the girl who eats things she’s not supposed to. I don’t mean ‘not supposed to’ as in spiders or hot coals or yo dog’s poopies – it’s not animate things and there’s a condition for it that I didn’t know ever existed but – fuck – I guess there’s a condition for everything and I guess some people just do things that I couldn’t conceive. Like those people who eat yo human poopies or people that like those fucking things with eight legs or those people who just go into open water with no care in the world never minding about leeches and water moccasins and fungus in yo pee pee and everything else that happens out there. In here, our main character is the pretty girl from the Magnificent Seven remake (which I really liked even if no one else did) and she’s a cute and nice housewife with a shitty husband and shitty in-laws who don’t really give a fuck about her except for that baby she’s got inside of her and then one day she up and eats

Now – Cinema Parrot Disco and I have been blog friends for a number of years and I trust her and her judgement and – even if she doesn’t remember the list of questions (she might!) – I interviewed her a long time ago on a different site and one of my questions consisted of something to the effect of “I gag uncontrollably when I brush my fucking teeth, what do you think about that?” (that’s not sic) so she knows my gag reflex is the stuff legends are made of and probably wouldn’t have foisted this on me but I went in anyway, knowing what I was getting in to and I really liked this thing even if she eats

I will admit I was worried for the reason above but they do it tastefully and without too much (or any) character puking which would make me sympathy vomit and then it would all be over. One day I’ll have to tell you all about the time Mister Pubes and I went out to this bar and did a number of shots and somehow I found a girl that liked me and she wanted to go do something else with me so we were all leaving and I couldn’t find him so I went to the bathroom and he was in there throwing up and I was all “there there, mister, you got it” and then I started throwing up in the other stall because it was so disgusting and then he shit his pants and didn’t tell me and I had to take him home in my car. Maybe I just told you but this movie is much more tasteful than that. Even when she eats

But in the interest of the movie and the movie going public, this is really done well. The characters really make it – they are definitely well written with good back stories if you think about them. The mother in law is great as a former model who married up and is now the perfect mom who “just needs her son’s grandson’s mother to get a little rest, even if means staying in a sort of asylum.” Or Sledge Hammer the father in law who could give two fucks about her but it’s his son and his money so she owes him. Or the douche husband. I guess the guy who just needs some hugs was kind of creepy. I also really liked the biological father character (and actor)… “They shitbagged me… they shitbagged me good…” hey – here’s a good picture:

I don’t know what else I could say here. I really liked the end and how they captured the insignificance of things in that bathroom. That’s no big spoiler but it reminded me of that Hitchcock movie – the rapey one – where all of that shit happens and he pans out of the window and says “haruuuumpphhh that’s just another window in a packed street in a packed building in Piccadilly (or somewhere!) haruuuummmppphhhh Wesley, (maybe!) hand me another bucket of shrimp and three cigars. I feel a snack coming on. Harrrruuuuoomph. Make that two buckets and a pie.”

I doubt anyone looks around here for proper recommendations but this is really well done and is not gag inducing. The sets are great, the characters are super well written and it’s not fucking preachy. Maybe, if anything, they could have used a little humor here and there but it was really solid.

FILED UNDER: THEY ALMOST MADE IT TO THE HAPPY ENDING

10 thoughts on “swallow (2019)

  1. Pingback: Upstream Color (2013) Review | Cinema Parrot Disco

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