OOOOOOOOOOOOOOPSS!!! Boy did I get that picture wrong! I stink! And it’s not even in my native English! I double stink! Guess what?? So does the movie in the title of this post! It stunk all the way around! A week or so ago before I started writing this it was the July 4 holiday around here where I live and I spent two days fattening myself on miscellaneous (I spelled that right on the first try – I win!) foods people brought to other people’s houses and decide to cook over open fires. Beef and pork ribs, jalapenos wrapped in bacon and stuffed with cheese, chicken kabobs, bratwursts, hot links, jalapeno sausages, etc., etc. On day two of this adventure Mrs Film Miasma’s Mother made some of my favorite things – deviled eggs (I don’t know if they’re called that in the UK – where it seems most of my readers are – or that one person in China who visits me every now and then). You don’t cook those on grills but you take a boiled egg, hollow out the yolk and fill it with mustards and other shit (olives, pickles, etc) and they are delicious. Hey – it’s kind of like a Scotch egg but not fried. Anyway, I topped of my two days worth of gorging myself with four or five of these things and the resulting effects coming out of my body could probably be described by scholars as “Brimstone”. Much like The Seventh Day (2021) without making an obvious pun on the subject matter.
I saw the trailer for this one day and thought it looked good and – as a general rule – I like Guy Pearce – aside from that miserable movie I wrote about a month or so ago and whatever the fuck that thing was where he was all greased up like some Greek and running around on a spaceship. “Don’t take any wooden nickels, kid.” I think he said in that movie while rubbing oils all over his undressed torso. Here he plays one of those unorthodox exorcist guys we always find running around, unwanted by anyone until some demon pops up and suddenly they’re all the fashion. “Meet father Whatshisbucket, new priest” says the turkey baster guy from Don’t Breathe. “His methods are not approved by the vatican but boy howdy he can get results. Those demons will never know what hit ’em.”
“If your nose itches, someone’s comin’ with a hole in their britches.” Educates Pearce’ character.
Is he talking about Satan? Old Scratch? Most Unclean? Whoever it was that made that kid’s mouth smile real wide? My 9th grade school picture? You’ll never know until the filmmakers and everyone involved twist and turn and snake and zigzag and twist up your balls real nice as we make an epic sweep into the most thrilling conclusion in 2021!! Fuck! Oh wait – you’ll probably see this coming really early and be disappointed later on BUT – at least the costume department found Pearce a cool jacket:
I’d wear that. I don’t normally find myself in situations where I need to wear a “blazer” (are they even called that any more?) and the two I have are both corduroy which draws amusement from Mrs Film Miasma but – hey – I like what I like. One of them also has those elbow coverings – because – I’m classy and suave.
Should I bother talking what this is about? There’s a demon and Pearce and some other guy are out to stop it. The blind guy from Don’t Breathe is in it for a few minutes and Guy Pearce has a nice coat. It’s PG-13 so there’s no gore, nudes, scariness or anything that might give you a rise. And I don’t mean a ‘rise in your pants’ – I mean a rise in anything other than maybe a need to hit the thrift shop for a vintage dinner jacket.
“Never nut in the grain silo.” Pearce advises, quoting me from a previous post. “Especially on the first date.”
“A grain silo??! Heh heh heh!” Smirks Bruce Willis, getting ready to conceive a daughter on the spot. “Heh heh heh. I’ll nut right here with the girl from The Seventh Sign. Heh heh heh.” “I was in St Elmo’s Fire!” argues his lady. “Heh heh heh. Nut.” He soothes. “My career will be great forever.”
Did you see how I came full circle with that? Do you remember my post about the grain silo? Do you like that jacket too? Do you like my new film categorization label? Did you give up on this post a long time ago like Willis (Bruce) did on his acting abilities?
FILED UNDER: MOVIES ABOUT POSSESSED PEOPLE AND SHIT