I don’t know if The Babysitter – that one we covered here recently – was hugely successful or anything, but the same team gets together again for ‘weekend’.  This doesn’t appear to be a sequel, so much, as – what do they call it these days – a reboot the same people getting together to show some skin and get the producer some leg.  And to showcase the pitfalls of dope. And motorbike gangs. And dope. And legs. And the occasional chest shot. And don’t do dope. The line on the poster is ‘she came to sit with baby and went away with daddy!”. Well…. yeaaaaahhhh…. I guess if they baby is relatively old, the mom is hooked on drugs and leaves to get more because she’s got it real bad and the dad falls in love with a swinging younger chick. Who seduces him with dope. Beware of dope. And hippie gangs.

Some of these old Crown Internationals are a lot better than others. I mean, of course, some of del Toro’s movies are a lot better than his others (and NO I’m not comparing these types of movies) (I’m saying I didn’t love Nightmare Alley, Crimson Peak, or Pacific Rim anywhere near The Devil’s Backbone or Pan’s) I’m just getting at that some of these Drive In jobs are loads better than others. That first Babysitter was fun – so was The Teacher and The Van and even Cindy and Donna (but that’s kind of real sleazy) and this thing was a gyp. But – we must go on, right. Let’s review! (p.s. The Love Garden was also pretty good but, hmm, how do you say it…. hmmm, erm… it was – what is it – a porn.) (MY EYES MY EYES OHMYGODMYFUCKINGEYES!)

Over the opening credits our babysitter rides up the stately manor of Carey’s character. Inside, Carey’s getting a good nagging by his pill addled wife. Who splits to go stay with her mom! Inside the house, the babysitter has been reading George’s latest movie script – “this is dullsville” she says. “you don’t know the scene today, daddy.” So they head out to get groovy and we even get the same passenger seat come hither shot like we did in babysitter. “Green means go, Charlie” (or something), she seduces. “Want me to boil your cabbage?” (or something) “Sinatra your Frank?” “Dumpty your Humpty?” “Perfume your anus, McManus?” WAIT. WHAT. NO. STOP. Sorry.

Elsewhere, away from any anus perfuming, the wife didn’t go to her mom’s! Jesus Christ! She’s at her Pusher’s, trying to score some more dope! “I got it bad, Jimmy, I got it really bad. And this anus ain’t perfuming itself!” she pleads, presenting. OK SORRY THIS TIME FOR REAL.

Meanwhile, George is getting the dope on the current scene. Literally and societally.

In order to fill our run time, since this one really is NOT about showing some babysitter teets, whether she’s sitting on baby or running on daddy while mommy is playing, we have to have some story, such as it is. Let’s take a peek into the life of a non-swinging-dull screenwriter the early 70s, shall we?

The Mommy: her pushing drug dealing hippie scumbag whose probably on uppers and downers won’t give her any more goddammed fucking pills unless she agrees to give him her husband’s boat! I wonder if that’s some sort of poignant and symbolic symbolism for getting high and sailing away in the uncharted and loose maritime world of adventure and pleasure? Probably not.

Back at home, George reflects on his groovy night.  “What a gas, babycakes,” he says, running his fingers in front of his eyes like some sot of junked out dirtbag at Woodstock. “Wanna snort some ‘ludes?” “You don’t snort ludes you old balls” she laughs, teasing him with some genital massaging. (Remember, no more anus jokes).

Elsewhere, at that unknown mystery location, his wife relents, concedes the boat and gets a shot in her thigh. “Stupid Junkie!” remarks the pusher, literally pushing drugs.

Back at the house, George disrobes and things are going to get saucy! Nasty! Forbidden! Anusy! “BOMBS AWAY!!” he screams, beating on his chest and running around bowlegged like an ape! “This’ll be just like Korea!!!” Oh wait, no, he passes out. Shit. Poor guy.

How much more offensive and / or stupid can I get today?

Let’s try and summarize. What else happens in this aside from teets? Let’s see – the drug guy uses George’s boat to do some dope smuggling. Must. Resist. Anus. Remarks. George tells his squeeze he loves her. Must. Resist. Anus. Remarks. The wife gets her head shaved. Must. Resist. Anus. Remarks. There’s a moto-cross, a double-cross and even some fancy hat wearing!

In the end, just like the last time around, all’s well that ends well and George and his drug free wife sail off into the sunset. Maybe it’s allegory or symbolism that they both just had the best opium and / or heroin and / or angel dust and / or Quaalude enhanced sex of their middle aged lives and they’re both full of orgasm juice and are sailing off into their sweet dreams, as the night settles in or it’s just a way to show off the producer’s new boat he got at a third off list price for showing it in his big movie but – hey – everything worked out.

Don’t do drugs you fucking stiffs!

So I was just looking up people from this movie to stick in the tags on this thing because whoever that is in China that looks at my blog a few times a week because of the jizztowel tag I put on a post two years ago might want to find something nice about George+E+Carey+Anus+Perfume. Maybe they want to watch something nice and easy going for a change. In any case, looking at his credentials, it looks like our man here was -typety-typety-typety-click-click=click-carriage return – 46 (!!??!!) when he made this??

I figured he was in his 70s. maybe 60s. Huh. I guess that’s still young enough for a good anus washing. Voluntarily even!

FILED UNDER: THE BOOBS THAT TIME FORGOT