[PUBLISHER’S NOTE: We here at Film Miasma consider ourselves a real fine, classy and upstanding publication even though we know otherwise, but still. We knew our head (and, regrettably, only) writer filed for a few days off and we knew he was off drinking beer and smoking cigars but we thought he’d be back by now. Little did we know his unpaid intern we didn’t know about covered his slot today and, because we’re as lazy as he is and have a quota to fill, we went ahead and posted it here] [Apologies]
The guy that made Primer is back to confuse you with a bigger budget and a better camera and…….. Amy Seimetz. You might remember her as “But I’m the best runner” girl from YOU’RE NEXT or even The Killing but here we are again and here we go. If we were to put on our reading glasses and light a pipe and dissect this movie into three parts, I would have to say that the first act was genius. Honestly, I loved it! I didn’t know what the fuck was going on most of the time but it was brilliant. “My face is made of the same material as the sun so you cannot look at it.” That’s a Film Miasma tagline right there even though I’m just a fucking intern and not a hostage taking hypnotist milking your tit for all of your money. Or am I.
Then, in the second act – or The Rising Action – portion of the film, there is absolutely no action and we are presented with a ridiculous, confusing and fucking boring treatise on the subject of how we’re all existential pigs or some such horseshit and it really pissed me off so much that I wanted to go find the guy who did Primer and punch him in his balls for a number of minutes screaming “THIS IS YOUR FAULT THISISALLYOURFUCKINGFAULT!”
The third act doesn’t offer up much either except for a bunch of preposterous staring and something to do with some dead piglets who decay and turn flowers into a different color. Oh and some shit to do with Walden’s Pond or something like that. And some rocks at the bottom of a pool. So: Seimetz = yes. Carruth = go eat shit you pretentious asshole.
FILED UNDER: AT LEAST THEY TREID I THINK WHO KNOWS