Ahhhhhh. Hmmmmmm. How do we do this one? I don’t like Twitter as much as I used to but it’s good every now and then to hear about things. Granted, 85% of the time it’s someone crying about how they are being mistreated by some form of government- somehow any way all the time every second of every day ALWAYS. A L W A Y S. Jesus Christ shut up. Or a small percent of “anyone wanna see some tiddies????” And, aside from the misspelling, it’s usually not that but I’ve never looked. And then there’s the “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS THE DAMNDEST BEST MOVIE IVE EVER SEEN SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME THIS DIRECTOR IS A STRAIGHT UP PROPHET, BEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE HANDS DOWN!!!!” Those are the things I see the most and boy were people out and about about Men. Over and over and over about it all the time, all day and I watched it and I just wonder —— did any of these dozens and dozens and dozens of people watch the last 15 or so minutes? Because, at least to me, even though it wasn’t keeping me that interested in general, the last bits were laughably stupid and ruined a decent movie. But that’s just me I guess.?
Anyway, let’s go through this visionary movie step by step-ish and see what the Miasmometer comes up with!
Note: there is currently no such thing as a Miasmometer and I say “step by step-ish” because I watched this a couple of weeks ago and don’t know if I’ll remember everything because I wasn’t really that interested most of the time.
Jesse Buckley (I think) who everyone seems to really like is driving a car. I’ve only seen her in Fargo season 4 and she seems ok but I’m not sold on her Oscar winning abilities but what do I know? Anyway, she’s driving a car and talking on her phone and it seems she’s going somewhere to try and get over her fiancé committing death on himself because they got in a fight. I’m not really sure why they busted up and he went to such an extreme but he did and he was all mangled on an iron fence and now she’s off to the country to convalesce.
The place she’s staying at is owned by the guy who played The Worlds Saddest Frankenstein’s Monster on Penny Dreadful. I already know he was going to be playing multiple characters in this movie for some reason so I’m not super thrilled at this either. This first homeowner role of his is completely irritating and I’m surprised he didn’t run around saying “God love the Queen!” and jumping in the air clicking his heels every time he turned a corner. “Tut tit, old Pip” he says giving her the house keys. Two hours later I’m guessing he’s supposed to be reflective of the abusive dad she had.
I guess. Pip pip, old tut.
Very quickly she goes for a nice stroll in the woods- looking to find the nearby hamlet, I believe, and comes across a tunnel. It’s very creepy looking and probably full of rats, snakes and spiders so, if it was me, I’d set fire to the whole god dammed thing and head back to the fucking city but she takes the high road and sings some notes into it which, I think, summons someone who intends to do her harm. I actually typed “to do her arm” since I’m typing this on my phone and I think that could be accurate too since I’m guessing this signifies a place where she may have been abused or some sort of negativity befell her long ago. And something starts chasing her. Which was actually kind of creepy but then it’s just kind of blah blah blah but hey it’s HD and push posh crumpets until the Englishman starts birthing fully grown men out of his butt.
I’d put a picture of it out here but it’s pretty gross and I really thought it was irritating as fuck – because it happens three times I think – and no matter how profound the director thinks that was , I thought it was absolutely stupid and made his unimpressive movie even worse.
But let’s talk about something else real quick! Yay!
Let’s see here. I grew up in the 70s so most of the horror I watched tended to put in some sort of unclothed female in there. As such, since I liked horror movies and I was fully invested in trying to rub myself on and around the female figure, this all worked out for me and I’ve never had any complaints there. Then, a few years ago or so, it came about that showing a portion of the female body was absolutely distasteful, exploitive, degrading and humiliating in some cases, so you can’t really do that any more, right? I think most media that panders to that sort of thinking would have everyone wearing thick, heavy sweaters, no matter the season and everything will be A-OK. That sucks for guys like me but what can I do?
Anyway! a couple of months ago, Mrs Film Miasma and I were watching an Amazon “tv series” and in one of the episodes the lead female lady takes a shower and gazoomba bamboomba there’s her naked and showing her soapy top half and that sparked a remark from The Better Part of My Life: “Was that necessary? Was that germane to the plot?” To which I answer “No probably not” and we went on with our lives.
As we moved on past that event, our lives were quickly added to when, sure enough, the male lead of the show came into the shower, loins chiseled where, in about a minute, we were presented with his flexing male buttocks as they presumed to wash the days stink and their bodily oils off of themselves in that glass shower. “Was that germane to the plot of this mystery show?” I asked. “Touché” she responded.
The point of all that typing was that, it seems, male butts and pointies are just fine; the boobs are not. OK. Fine. All right. Butt, seriously, is a man giving birth to a full grown man out of his own butthole necessary to a plot? And then again? And then again? I really don’t care if a dong is on screen, I’ve looked at one every day for 50 years but is that really how this movie ended up? I’m guessing it’s to symbolize how all MEN are abusive and they just keeping shitting another one out over and over again.
So (I don’t know if this ——————– will align but ↑ = √ while (below) would probably get you in trouble these days?
But………………. a man squeezing out of a screaming man’s butt cheeks is visionary art? I know Mrs Film Miasma and I joke often about how I am not, in any way, “cool” or “woke” or even how nobody knows or cares who I am and some 16 year old might have just made 20 million dollars for waking up and primping his hair but shit. Hey – literally! Almost!
FILED UNDER: I GUESS THEY TRIED
I guess just for good measure because I’m thinking about it:
PS this was written before the Queen died so my joke about pip pop old Queen wasn’t intended for anything. I liked her because she liked dogs , I never knew shit about her politics.