It’s Christmas time right?? *clickity clickity click click* yep – looks like it! Is that why I watched this *checks brains* yep! Here we have a – shit! I need to go make our 2022 wrapping paper! Fuck! I’ll be back. *leaves*

*Comes back a week later tangled in measuring tape and knicked with stick pin sticks*

We did it! Here we go! Here’s our 2022 version of our Film Miasma Christmas or Whatever Present Wrapping Paper^TM. Just let me know if you need a roll or two and we’ll get you fixed up! There would probably be a cost to it to pay for my emotional problems healing treatments but I’m sure could get everything worked out. Let me know – I’m sure these will fly off the shelves.

For this Christmas horror movie I decided to watch to get into the Film Miasma Christmas Spirit^TM, we find ourselves watching a cute blond teen-something going over to babysit some sort of pubescent boy who wants to get his little weiner used by this older woman but he forgets he’s just a kid and that would be bad news for her so him and his buddy decide to scare the shit out of her – I guess – hoping she’ll be too scared to continue and roll up in his sheets with him and turn him into a man. (Film Miasma Note: i was once a horny teenage boy and – it was a different age when I was young and back then your mom and or dad could just leave you alone at night and threaten you with constant spankings and groundings if you did anything wrong instead of calling over a hot girl so I did what every other horny teenage boy must have done back in those days but this is a classy blog so mm hmmm). Anyway, when she doesn’t reciprocate his horniness, naturally, he pushes her down the stairs and ties her up in the kitchen threatening to kill her for some reason. Nothing says “I love you” like pointing a gun at someone.

Before I get too far into my nonsense I want to say that I really liked this movie and i thought the folks who made it did a really good job but I COULD’VE DONE WITHOUT THE FUCKING SPIDERS but I’m OK and we can move on. So they chick is tied up and the dude wants to make it with her by any means necessary including roofy-ing her and then her boyfriend shows up and murder happens and another boyfriend shows up – look it’s one of the hunky beefcake guys from Stranger Things in an early role! – and things keep getting worse and I did enjoy this a lot. I also think EVERY movie or TV show should include Putty and Virginia Madsen so I hope that all of the film people who read this classy blog take note and just cast them in everything. THX.

That’s probably enough to say here but i thought this was fun even if the kid was a little irritating but, in general, i find most kids irritating, male or female or however identifying they might be. I have a cat older than a lot of people I work with and that gets me irritable sometimes but I’m actually not an irritable guy even though it may seem like it. I’m pretty laid back and try to just take it easy for the very most part but, kids…. ugh. The last time i think I was around a teenager our friend’s kid came over to swim but he didn’t do anything like swimming and every time I came inside to pee he was always eating our food out of the fridge. I think he ate two jars of OLD pickles and all of our candy and I know – kids today – and i remember when I could eat like that and not shit myself all over the place but, maybe he could have asked. Of course we would have said yes go for it you’re a growing boy but still.

I liked this one.

FILED UNDER: THEY ALMOST MADE IT TO THE HAPPY ENDING