the curse of buckout road (2017)

Today we’ll take a quick break from our ongoing look into the arcanum of slumber parties and sorority houses for something newer, be it the right decision or not – which, is probably not as we continue along here at this place.

Notice please that the title on this movie poster differs from the title of this post. Don’t be alarmed! It’s OK! I can steer you in the right direction! The direction is – I found this on Amazon Prime and it was free. Notice please that this was —-> free. I guess I should suppose that an intro to this intro should go something along the way of how this movie went, with me talking to myself. Such as:

Well, hmmm….
Maybe this won’t be toooooooo bad – I guess someone had enough for a nice camera…
Oh boy, that was pretty fucking stupid. Here we go.
Is that…. Danny Glover?
Is that… the guy from Ready or Not?
Wait, what the fuck?
Oh no.
Oh… welllll. Maybe not so much then.
I guess this still does look good.
Wait.
Uh…….
Oh for fuck’s sake.
Wait – he’s just dead? Why?
Wait… he’s a ghost? Huh?

I’m not implying that the person in the still just above this is a “him” actor – I was just surprised that the “him” actor I am referencing died – uh – somehow. Don’t worry, it’s explained at they very, very end. Yay! O _ o. As a guy who talks about some of the movies he watches, I can’t really say I hated this thing, or that I didn’t like it that much – there were some good (or even pretty good) things on this kabob. Byuuuut – I saw some things that made no real sense. Do you remember that old GWAR song “The Road Behind”? I just typed some words and that popped into my head. “Baby quit you’re cryin’ put them clown britches ooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!” Sometimes I guess I make no fucking sense either….

For example – there’s this sequence that takes place in a dream in the past in the 70s. The 1970s I should specify because another part takes place in a dream in the past that could very well be the 1870s. Maybe. The producers here must’ve sprung for a wicked nice muscle car, some sporty fake moustaches and a back story about some killer albino twins that come out of the woods in the night to kill you if you honk three times. That sounds really great, right? Well, to me, they used some sort of filter, in editing I imagine, to make it look older and grindhouse-ier, complete with cigarette burns and scratches on the ‘film’. Maybe it was great, what do I know, but it was kind of distracting and instead made me miss things like Assault on Precinct 13, The Toolbox Murders, almost any Giallo or even Coogan’s Bluff for that matter. Remember when Clint Eastwood just took matters into his own hands and chased down that motorcycle on foot? Stud.

Then there were also these cool, little parts where people were committing gruesome suicides. Got it! Liked it! Wait, why again? I missed the reason – I suck! I guess. And there was the whole “dirty, raping, – uh – ‘chigger'” part that seemed kind of weird in this day and age but, I didn’t make the movie. I didn’t think you could do that any more unless your name rhymes with BARONBLEENO. But, again, not my deal. I could really care less what you decide to use but it seems like anyone under, what, 40, would hear that and be all ‘OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD SLAVERY BURN THIS CITY DOWN FOR SAYING THAT FUCK YOU HATE SPEECH 5G TEAR EVERYTHING DOWN REPENT DON’T EAT MEAT OR EGGS QANON SCHOOL LOANS!!!!!”. I think. I do my best to ignore all of those people at every single chance I get.

I think it’s amusing – there’s this place I read, these forums on a place called Quora – if someone reads this –> I don’t know shit about shit, it’s just some place I found that has topics on some things I like, it could be a real shitpot for all I know – and I like to look at things about aliens and ancient civilizations and the occasional things about Marvel movies and this or that but it NEVER fails that NO MATTER WHAT the topic is, some people start going after Trump and Biden. And usually some celebrity who eats babies.

“If Yellowstone erupts, will the world survive?
Blah blah blah super-volcano, blah, magnitude, planet killer, bunkers
FUCK TRUMP AND SEDITION AND INSURRECTION
FUCK BIDEN CHILD PERVERT LIZARD DEEP STATE BIDEN SUCKS

PROVE BIDEN SUCKS PROVE IT YOU HAVE NO PROOF YOU WORSHIP SATAN
Tom Hanks eats babies.”

“Who would win if Superman fought Hulk?
Well they did back in 1973, you see Marvel and Dc did a few cross-over series and it was kind of-
FUCK BIDEN AND CLINTONS AND CHILD PIZZA CANNIBALS AND NEW WORLD ORDER
TRUMP IS THE MESSIAH AND COVID CAME OUT OF OBAMA’S ASSHOLE
Tom Hank’s wears baby skin, that’s why he looks so young. You’ll see.”

“What do you think about chiaroscuro?
Having studied the arts during the 60s, we found a lot of connections to the pre-
OBAMA LIVES ON MARS BUTTONS ARE HOW THEY TRACK US CLOUDS ARE THE ENEMY
TRUMP AND BIDEN SWITCHED BODIES TRUST ME YOU’LL SEE HE’S STILL IN CONTROL
Tom Hanks is a 27th level Freemason who bathes in baby blood. It’s coming out. You’ll see.”

It almost makes me miss the IMDB message boards…

Oh fuck – I’m out of good Buckout Road stills – what would Liam Neeson do here?

That picture is NOT from Buckout Road but from a movie I was watching earlier today when I was working from home and totally fucking off because I have to have surgery next week. P.S. – I kind of loved it.

Speaking of that, For almost one year exactly Mrs Film Miasma and I have been fighting this poison I got in my left big toe from when – earlier than that – I had sepsis in my blood and almost died. I am going to try and post this poorly written piece on Monday morning – I write so slow – and that afternoon I have to get this goddammed thing amputated because if the poison got into my bone and I don’t cut it off, I could get sepsis again and it could be really bad for me. Do you care, beloved reader? Probably not, well, maybe CPD or Emma or The JB because we’ve been friends for a long time – but other than those she / hers, I’m probably just some unknown dude who does shitty writing that you might read one morning while you’re pooping at work, on the clock. Unless you’re a girl because girls don’t poop! And that’s OK! I mean the whole unknown dude thing! (And the poop thing!) It’s OK – the next time we meet I’ll have nine toes. Want to see me in some sandals?? God damn, what happened to this post?

I normally try and resize the pics I use in these things to 600 width because of my OCD and when I do that with this one it’s reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllly blurry. I can normally go try enlarge it and HD it but I don’t know if I’ll have time but – I would totally buy that poster if it were real size and not wallet small. Well fuck. This isn’t that much better but it will help me sleep at night.

Jesus – where has this gone? Didn’t WordPress used to have a word count thing at the bottom of these things? How long is this bullshit? 10,000 words? Is it midnight where you live? For fuck’s sake [NAME REDACTED].

Let’s sum this up – not terrible, could’ve probably been better, looked slick, Danny Glover, too few albinos.

FILED UNDER: AT LEAST THEY TRIED

Lastly – I think this is a funny story – back on the old blog and back in the earlier days of film twitter – I covered a movie called The Sleeper which I just loved. Back in those days, since it wasn’t some big hollywood production, you could see directors or producers or the prop department come around and look at your shit and it was usually good fun except for this time I was live tweeting about some ghost movie and the director came around and yelled at me for not having my phone off during his movie. (I wasn’t in some theater, I was watching it at my desk at work for pete’s sake but anyway). In this case, an actress from The Sleeper saw my post and hung around for a little bit and she was fun and then either she got too fancy for a blog like mine or just started to hate me – which wouldn’t be surprising – but I see she’s back in this. HA! Reunion!

P.S. The Sleeper was GREAT in my opinion but I haven’t been able to find it anywhere for years.

4 thoughts on “the curse of buckout road (2017)

  1. So, I was reading this post and it was going on like normal (for this blog). 😉 Dodgy-looking horror movie that somehow didn’t totally suck, Danny Glover, Gwar, albinos, child pizza cannibals, Tom Hanks eating babies, and a random Liam Neeson photo. The usual. Then BLAM! You’re losing a toe!?! Or… I guess that already happened since I’m behind on the blogs again?? Oh, man! Hope you’re alright! Sounds necessary, though, after what you went through before. I hope Tom Hanks had nothing to do with it??? 😳😢 And there are more sorority/slumber party movies?! My lunchbreak is over now so will have to check those posts out later… 😊

    #BARONBLEENO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Doesn’t that sound about right??? Glover… Neeson… Tom Hanks and baby eating….

      Yeah – can you even believe it after all we went through to try and keep the thing?? Well – shit – yeah that was last week. And honestly, it hasn’t been as bad as I was worried about. I guess I wasn’t using it for so long it hasn’t affected my balance or anything. Next week I get fitted for a – dum ta dum – prosthetic!! WHEEEE!

      #TheManWithNineToes

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh! Phew! You replied!! 😀 Honestly, I was a bit worried! ☹️ I don’t know anyone who has lost a toe or how that would affect how you walk or anything?? Hope things are still okay so far?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi! Yep – doing ok. Thanks for asking!! It’s funny (maybe) when I went to have the procedure the nurse was all ‘you’ll probably wish you’d done this six months ago’ and she was right. It may go without saying but that goddamn toe doesn’t hurt anymore.

        #!

        Liked by 1 person

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