i came to boogie part 5: hard to die (sorority house massacre 3)

I remember a few posts ago (or maybe one) I fully realized aloud that I’ve seen all of these movies and knew what I was getting into going into this project but, I also remember being a little pissed watching this the first time around. Pissed as in upset that they copied the last movie that I kind of loved and just stuck it in a skyscraper with the same story and most of the same actresses doing the same thing, with machine guns and bouncy chi-chis. So, let’s see what came about with a repeat visit! Note: it’s always sound to keep in mind that I could have just been Pissed – in the way our friends over in the UK use it. “Ay! He’s pissed as a tart!” Or something that sounds a ton better than when I say “Fuck, he’s so drunk he’s eating Taco Bell. Boy will he have the greasy shits in the morning.”

Here, 2/5ths of our cast of chicks from the last one return – except – this time, instead of some rented sorority house hijinks, they’re tasked to do some overnight paperwork and inventory in a lingerie office. Score one for the writers! I suppose, by using the words paperwork and inventory, we should clarify that that means soaping up their unclad bodies in showers with no curtains and remaining in some state of undress the rest of the run time. I do also suppose that, in a cornucopia of terrific brilliance, this time we some some sub-plot about a ‘soul box’ and how that rotten and despicable Hockstatter really had a motive this time – it’s simple – he was trying to split his evil soul in half! Sounds like most of the people I worked with in New Jersey! Luckily for our -presumably chilly cast, Hungry, Angry and Disgusting Orville Ketchum is here as a janitor, complete with keeping his jangling keys stuffed in his underwear next to what I can assume is his jangly giblets.

Above: our startled quintet of 90s clad and unclad starlets, complete with those circular patterns in skirts that, I’m sure, had LOTS to do with corporate fashion.

Below: Ketchum and his dangly – uh – keychain clothed in the most accommodating housekeeping uniforms on the market.

There’s probably not a lot of novelty to cover here. Lightning strikes and the soul(s) of Hockstatter return to bring death upon the living! Tops come off and bottoms come down! Through pure luck and sage building construction, there’s a machine gun firing range just one story below the lingerie HQ! Sound like a Film Miasma plot thickening agent if I’ve ever heard one!

I’ve seen somewhere that this thing is or has been rated X at some point (I don’t know what that is over in the UK) (where most of my visitors come from) (it usually means there’s either a} LOT of gore or b} something United States heinous like Jesus taking a shit or c} some dude’s dick making it inside and out and around some sort of opening in another human body hole {well, probably a vagina or mouth, butts are usually XX}}) but I don’t really know why. I mean, sure there’s some boobs and some thighs and buttocks but nothing you haven’t seen before. The other week my General Practitioner doctor told me I was healthy and I didn’t have to go back for a year BUT, since I’m turning 50 later, it would be in my best interest to come back for some of this – how is THIS image not banned or cancelled by those angry, planet saving, gas and meat hating, valiant, loud, empowered and short He/She/Theys?

Maybe it is banned and I found some sort of bootleg copy? Just look at that rendering of a testicle! OK, shit – sorry. Let’s get back on track. Love Film Miasma, It / Human / Unclean. Also – anus.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo “X”, huh?? Well, fuck, let go make a grab from youtube. Look! Look how dedicated I am! But – look! Just look at her fucking feet!

I’ll see if I can sharpen it up any. I don’t know if this helps or not but:

Just look at her god damned feet. What can we glean from this?

  • I’ve never seen a porn but some of the porn I’ve seen from the 70s sure were crappy but I don’t remember anything ever looking like those things. Maybe they were making a 20 dollar jizzbutt film out behind the gas station?
  • Come to think of it – I’ve never been to one of those movie theaters where they showed porn flicks but – jeez – maybe in – uuhhhhh – 1991 or so, Mister Pubes and I and some of the gang went to this one over on – uhhhhh – 10th street? – and snuck in beer and, yep, there were dudes jerking it all over the place in there. I even remember going to take a pee and there – I think – was jizz all over the place. That was a long time ago but that disgusting memory kind of fits the still above.
  • If that was just some sort of extra scene they decided to throw in for fun, was it censored in the copy I saw? Did the original show the guy Double Ballin’? Again, I’ve never seen a porn but there was this old one from the 70s I used to watch called Three Ripening Cherries and this one guy did some Triple Ballin’ in that one. Those sisters were coming of age and horny! I guess! I never saw it!
  • For this scene did our director give this actress her motivation to “You’re a starlet!! You’re hungry! You’re tired! You have to make some money to feed your kids!” With a response of “Meester – your cigar is ashes on my feet.” And a follow up of “You’re from, say, Poland! You’re filth! You have to get your Polish Sausage kids some Cabbage Rolls! Work it! Wear some sunglasses to cover your bags!” And a finishing “Ok Meester. Lech Wałęsa send greeting and thank.”?

Regarding that last bullet, in case I’ve offended any Poles, by DNA and Ancestry, I’m Czech so I can say whatever I want – I’ve heard it all before the other way around. Even though I now go by an Irish / Dutch last name so knock yourself out.

But back to the movie – I would have to vote that I liked the last one a lot better because it was so fucking unexpected and – well – WTF-y. This is kind of the same thing, still relatively awesome, but the same although some filthy feet and a bunch of machine guns. I mean – a lot! Like – the last 20 minutes are three chicks in their underwear blasting away at everything. If you’re really paying attention, the cop and his partner are also back in this one. They don’t do much except head to strip club and kind of wrap things up at the end. I’m SURE you were tuning in to see how they turned up.

I do have to say that I’m getting sad that my crime board project is almost over. Out of all of the things I’ve done out here regarding shit horror movies, this has to be one of my favorite things. Maybe I can think of some way to do it again, I mean, I am paying for the fucking software after all. In any case – here’s the second to last iteration. Hopefully it’s helping you understand just what in the fuck is going on around here!


2 thoughts on “i came to boogie part 5: hard to die (sorority house massacre 3)

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