Ever since I started assuming trying failing sucking shitting embarrassing myself and others calling shame upon myself writing about things I watch however many fucking years ago, I always wanted to do series and many of them. Lots of series. To age myself, I remember trying to start doing The Walking Dead episode by episode and I remember saying something like “I liked these comics for a little bit and then I got really bored with them and I hope it doesn’t happen with this show.” I think I lasted four episodes and then quit the writing and quit the watching and never got into the trend of the show or anything about it, really.

The next time I tried I FUCKING LOVED True Detective and wanted to do it again but I’m so lazy and slow the best I could do was get a bunch of bloggers together to give me a paragraph or two about it. Some of us liked it and some didn’t but I gave up my imbecilic thoughts of writing a current ‘column’ of new episodes for anything ever again and told myself to fuck off and eat shit and all of that good stuff.

When I started this new place, my Shame came with me but I thought I might try to cover a series or two since I watch a lot of them and wrote about The Undoing and how much the ending sucked it and….. well…. here I go again. Maybe two a year will tickle my fancy and my loins and get me through the winter months satisfied with things. Maybe? Probably not.

Here is HBO’s 30 Coins, a Spanish job that you’ll have to interpret yourself or read. It’s extremely good looking, has no HBO typical incest & rape or never ending close-ups of Jude Law’s eyes. In fact, there’s very little nudity or sex if that’s what you’re looking for but – read on if you like!

If you’ve kept up with the history your church probably taught you, these 30 coins are the monies the Romans paid Judas to betray Jesus and set him up for the big Crucifixion. If you recall, after that event, Judas felt bad about it and killed himself – as the story here goes, a bunch of Roman soldiers stole those coins and they (the coins) went on to symbolize the ultimate evil (and power): Betrayal. As this story further goes, Big God has a plan and that plan involves Jesus getting killed, SO – Judas had to betray him to put his plan in motion, therefore, Judas is the Big Hero in this story and the “Reverse Catholics” have been trying to round up his coins for two thousand years, etc, etc. They also run the Vatican and have portals into everywhere in the world and use magic witches and even wear fancy upside down crosses on their white suits.

I can’t seem to find many pictures of this thing to gratuitously steal and put in my post – is this thing not popular? I wouldn’t say it was anti-religion – just not necessarily Pro What The Catholics teach you. *SHRUGS* But there are a bunch of cons to this thing I guess but, even at it’s best, Game of Thrones had a bunch of shit in it too – I think the absolute WORST was when they put that singer in there. What was his name? I forget because I hated it. I also thought it was comical how whats-his-name’s hair changed season to season with the trends of the day. The blond Lannister fellow.

Some goods to this (to me) would include the use of arcane mythology to spirit things along here and there – I especially liked the gifts of the Magi. It’s also VERY good looking with top notch special effects. I also don’t know who you could pinpoint as the nominal bad guy here but I really liked Angel and there some parts where they used dreams to go back and forth that was pretty cool. Angel (below) also has some good looking Angelic script tattooed all over him but I’m not sure what it all was supposed to stand for, if anything. I have something similar on my back and I know what it means but I didn’t see it anywhere on him or on the walls.

There are a couple of things that I didn’t like and I don’t want to sound like a dick but maybe I just am. When I think of Spanish TV I normally think of super dramatic over acting and large chested women with their tops open most of the time. Well, there’s a lot of that here without the boobs but it seemed that everyone from the mayor of the small town in the mountains (especially his wife) to the bartender girl with no eyebrows sure did like to – um – emote it up. A lot. I mean – a LOT.

One thing I thought was funny – I’m sure any reader here knows I like the female figure. The male physique doesn’t bother me to see but I thought that it was nice that no matter what happened in this community, instead of the police they’d call the mayor. The mayor who is not afraid to get his shirt off and show his smooth and shaved stomach abs and finely chiseled arm muscles. All while arguing with his wife about that local veterinarian who’s frequently shown from a low angle to show her, um, defiance of gravity. Maybe it’s the mountainous altitude….

I think, if you want to try and get into this, you should be prepared for a couple of things in the first episode. It starts off the bat with a cow giving birth to a human baby and then the opening credits depict a graphic take on the crucifixion we talked about earlier. That might be sensitive business to some people. I don’t think there’d be anything else in here that would getcha aside from some CGI spider monster things. And they use the tears of some saint to get out of a problem – in the small town where my ancestors hail from that would be pretty bad news. Although their relic isn’t / aren’t tears in a vial – it’s a doll.

I think, then, you’ve been set up for success if you want to give it a look. I’d totally watch a second season. OH! If you know a little Spanish – you know, enough to get by, like I do – the subtitles don’t always match what they’re saying but….

This did leave me with one quote that I really liked:

“THEY’RE USING MAGIC!!! HOW CAN WE FIGHT THAT????”
“Yeah. I can do those tricks too.”

FILD UNDER: THEY ALMOST MADE IT TO THE HAPPY ENDING