old (2021)

I want to start off by saying that I’m not clever enough or forward thinking enough to have done this really on purpose. I usually watch something and then it takes me at least a couple of weeks to turn something around. I’ll have to start it, add to it, end it, re-read it, edit it or just throw it in the fucking trash. I also don’t normally do new-ish things because – well – tons of other people do and do them much much better than I ever could but also because by the time I get to them their not new any longer so, why rush? Here in the U.S. we had a national holiday and since I work for a school I was off work and had a while day to kill so I rented a movie. I was going to do The Green Knight but my father in law usually comes in and watches my rentals after I do and didn’t figure he’d be in to that one too much so I did this one.

Later that day I finished up a sad piece of writing about an episode of Game of Thrones and then put in a placeholder for this thing and wondered when it could post in the future and there it was – hey! – how coincidental! – on my 50th birthday when I too, will be officially old. I mean, I’ve felt old for a decade or so but I think I did most of the damage to my body when I was working in that fucking restaurant for so long. I was on my feet for 16 hours a day seven days a week sometimes and – goddamn – we drank a lot and did a lot of drugs. Not like crack or meth but some of those good, old fashioned ones like LSD and grass and mushrooms. I know a lot of people say it and it’s common but I didn’t figure I’d make it to 30 but Mrs Film Miasma came around and really saved my life. I almost really didn’t make it to 50 because I got into a tangle with Strep and Sepsis and they almost won but, assuming I make it to the day this posts – I guess I will have done it. Has that for some – uh – forward future progressive? Maybe but probably not.

On the day after Thanksgiving I will be 50 years old and we’ll talk about this movie which is also: Old.

If we’re talking about the movie and not the hard way I lived some of my life, I thought this thing was really, well, pretty good. I’m not married to or even engaged or anything but I like Shyamalan, I mean, I guess, for the most part. I loved Unbreakable when it first came out and then I watched it a few years later and, well, maybe not. I really like The Happening until, well, the big reveal was that the trees were mad at us. I really liked Split! I REALLY liked Glass until… well.. the end…. and then the other end…. what a way to shit on everything and give us all movie STDs Shyamalan!! BOO BOO my hair is falling out and my peep burns!! Oh wait – what am I? An IMBD user? Ahem. *Compose* Glass could have been better.

I also watched the new Paranormal Activity – while it sure wasn’t fantastic, it wasn’t THAT bad. One thing that’s often bothered me about my beloved blog community. Either someone –> ONLY watches movies they expect to like (I’d really rather hurt myself than watch a Terrence Malick or Gus van Sant movie) and seem to get really disappointed when they can’t give it / them jizz filled reviews and end up having to issue out a nine out of ten or a 4.75 out of 5. Or someone –> meets similar above criteria and then sees something they don’t agree with and act like it’s the poorest fucking thing they’ve ever witnessed. I remember once on the old blog I got blistered for not hating Paranormal (6?) The Marked Ones. I know it wasn’t great but have you ever seen The Sinful Dwarf? I loved that blogger and she’s not around any more but come on. Keep it honest.

As for revisiting the movie in this post – I didn’t think it was too bad and I kind of liked it. At least it didn’t shit its pants like a few of his other movies did. Kind of like in The Visit when that guy kept shitting himself and then shoved one of his dirty diapers in that kid’s face. Barf.

If you’ve seen a commercial for this or read the title of this movie you know that people are growing old really quickly on this beach. If I had a medium complaint about this is that he uses a little too much sleight-of-hand-camera to try and take away from the fact that we already know that people are growing old really quickly on this beach. But hey – *shrugs* There’s a point to it that I thought was all right *happy face shrugs* There’s even a part to it that I thought was kind of sweet *nods* and, honestly, a part that was kind of good and creepy in that cave *points acknowledgingly* Of course, in pure filmmaker fashion, there’s a part that is *hmmmm* and well *hmmm* but hey, still a million times better than Dear God No or Gutterballs. Or The Sinful Dwarf or Live Animals. Or Sick Girl. Or American Maniacs. Or Buttcrack. Or Day of the Dead 2: Contagium. Or Beneath the Mississippi.

And there go – Old isn’t too bad in my opinion and, even if I’m older than I ever thought I would be, I’d watch it again. I also watched something recently that I absolutely loved called Old Henry but I don’t feel like I’m able to do movies I love justice so I doubt I’ll try that one. This one?

FILED UNDER: THEY ALMOST MADE IT TO THE HAPPY ENDING

As a last side note, because I feel like it’s my duty to comment on actor’s kids – you know who’s good looking? Clint Eastwood’s daughter.

4 thoughts on “old (2021)

  1. Tom

    Belated happy birthday Sir Ipes.

    I never saw Old. But maybe . . . just maybe this review has got me interested. I too like Shyamalan more often than not but his bad stuff is REALLY bad!!

    Liked by 1 person

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