grabbers (2012)

I wish every movie could be this fun. Really – I’ve – how do I put it? – I’ve come out here and said how I’d make out with a movie here and there if that was something possible because I loved it and all that but I understand boundaries and wouldn’t cross any lines and be a gentleman but some things are so good they could use a good making out with or at least it’s something I wish I had written or just been a part of somehow- even just as an extra or one of the property guys or something but Grabbers is one of those things and I love it. It had been a few years since I’d seen it and I watched it again the other day and I still loved it and would still take it out dancing or bowling or go streaking or whatever and I hope we can always hang out and get pissed.

I haven’t been pissed (drunk) in a long time (I do still enjoy some beer) (but who ever got pissed off of beer?) and I don’t hang out with the people that I used to when we all get pissed but why couldn’t this have happened back in the day:

SOUND EFFECT: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

HUSBAND: (WIFE)!!! SOMEONE’S AT TH’ DOOR!

WIFE CHARACTER: I’M BARELY DRESSED!!

HUSBAND GRUMBLING ON WAY TO DOOR: FECKIN’ FECK BOLLOCKS CUNTS

HUSBAND LOOKS THROUGH PEEPHOLE, LOOKS CONFUSED, YELLS TO WIFE:

“IT’S THAT FECKIN TONY..

AND HE’S PISSED AS A FART!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how long’s it been since I was pissed as a fart? Those were the days!

Or how about Paddy there in the front. Just an honest man drinking all day and night. Usually mixing it up with his home made bottle of booze because “A bird can’t fly with one wing”, right?

Anyway, I absolutely loved this – this is my type of movie. It’s slyly funny, there’s no over the top anything, it’s set on a small island near Ireland and the creature effects are great still. Plus, here’s the plot: “When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive.” Sound good? That’d be the way to go, right? Maybe? Maybe that’s not your thing and that’s okay too! I’d like it – going out with a good buzz, singing and dancing and swinging from the rafters. Drink to the dead – that was our old motto, right? I couldn’t go without mentioning the older lady in this who wants to go home. “I’m pissed.” she says in that sweet, sweet, meek old lady voice.

As it begins, something crashes into the ocean one night and immediately kills off three fishermen – that’s no spoiler – that’s the first five minutes. The next morning, a man is out peacefully walking his dog on the beach, complete to a lovely, peaceful violin and harp score, aaaahhhh idyllic… and then we sweep out over the beach littered with dead whales. The cops, who never have to deal with ANYTHING on this island aside from drunk people, are called in and ugly things are discovered. Alien leeches that feast on human blood!! OMFG!! But they’ve never encountered blood like this… blood saturated with whiskey, vodka, Guinness and home made hooch. This makes them (the aliens) sick so they (the humans) figure, to survive the night, they just need to barricade up in the pub, drink like there’s no tomorrow (because there might not be) and the next day they’ll call in help from the mainland.

So they all get it on and drink and fight and dance and sing “Whiskey in the Jar” and the whole thing is good, clean fun. I LOVED the drunk-angry bartender and the drunk-happy deputy. I also loved the F/X and the supporting jobs by – everyone . All of these characters really played out well, to me. I also liked it when, in the background, these older ladies are trying to make a decoy of the cop and are really fussing over the “head” (a lampshade). Or that brief scene where the 80-years-drunk fisherman is whispering that they should just throw the local catholic priest out as bait and he’s all “I beg your pahdon???” and the fisherman is all, “Heh, Heh, Heh, no sacrilege intended, father”. Or it might just be that I just like this kind of shit.

Conclusion: because I do. Because this is a good movie. You know what I don’t like? Lots of things. Things like: getting yelled at for no reason, spiders, this person I used to be friends with that I hate now, these egg rolls I got from the grocery store last weekend, PowerBI, Oklahoma State fans, getting sick if I eat too much pie, Johnny Mathis and trying to learn to sit on the toilet now that I have one foot.

But this movie:

FILED UNDER: FUCK YEAH, SON.

5 thoughts on “grabbers (2012)

  1. Pingback: Watched, Read, Reviewed: September 2022 | Cinema Parrot Disco

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s