Yeah. Well. Poop. I mean. Yeah. I – have you -. Hmmm. I suppose every movie is someone’s favorite movie, right? The person that made it? The person that got their big break? The person that had to act like he or she is a smoker for that outside on the porch shot? The person that invented the filter that tries to make something look like an old movie? Is it the person or persons who made the landscape or standard images i found for this film? Are they the Canadians who allowed this movie to be made there? It’s hard for me to tell with this one and I keep losing this thing on IMDB so here’s the link to it if I need to find it again:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5201934/?ref_=nm_flmg_t_2_dr

There also seems to be a trailer out there if you’re in the mood.

From what I can tell this is a very, very low budget piece of cinema made in Canada by some Canadians looking to make a horror movie. When this first started I was all “oh shit this is gonna suck” and then I was like “yeah this’ll be tough” and then it went on and some chick dropped her drawers and someone got a drill in the eye and a turkey carver through the stomach and someone threw some sort of pastries out the front door and someone (allegedly) beat off with a cucumber and someone else mixed it in a blender and drank it and someone threw a hair dryer at someone and this one guy was wearing a bow tie like i guess they do in Canada and someone got stabbed and someone told a long story and I think someone’s mom was a strangler and there was this little short guy in there who needed some sleep who reminded me of a young version of the actor who said “inconceivable” a lot and some people drank some whiskey that I bet was Canadian Club and some beer that was probably Moosehead and i think it was snowing the entire time and I don’t know if I’d ever want to watch this again ever but maybe if my friend was over here and we were all “let’s get high and smoke dope and watch a bad movie” this wouldn’t be too bad I guess but don’t ever smoke dope or do drugs because you’re not supposed to but I guess it would be all right but I wouldn’t go looking for this one just because you think a low rated movie on IMDB is a good challenge because you might not like this one and I mean that sincerely regards your friend film miasma.

As this story goes, two chicks are coming home from somewhere in the snow and one barfs on the other. The one that got puked on goes to take a shower and then comes back to her room and gets killed. I couldn’t follow why this happened other than she looked remarkably like this woman I used to date back in the 90s but that was that for her. Elsewhere, some youths go to college and their teacher wears a bow tie. Couture! Someone is tired. Someone else is horny. “Someone’s always horny in Canada” someone might have said. Elsewhere, someone fires up an early version of herself as a “webcam girl”. With fruits. Elsewhere, some carolers sing something. Elsewhere, some teacher’s aide is bopping her teacher.

Does this sound good so far? Do you want to use your Canadian currency on this? I’m going to go back and speculate that this might be ok if you don’t take it seriously AT ALL and have a high tolerance for snowy residential landscapes, cramped living rooms and people wearing tweed. Also, the big reveal of woot is actually happening is really just weird but hey I live in the middle of the US and might not understand shit that goes on up there in the high north with the geese and beavers.

If there’s one cool thing about this movie – the actress in the picture above, she’s got a bad ass tattoo on her back. I don’t know if it’s worth watching just to see that but it was cool and reminded me of this from back in the restaurant days. I ran the kitchen and when the people who wanted to be managers for the “front” side they had to do kitchen training. It was a different time back then and a lot of us chewed tobacco and one brunch morning we were all working our fucking asses off over twelve burner stoves and I took my used up wad of Red Man and threw it in the trash and this guy named Casey was all “can I have that” and I was busy and didn’t know what he was talking about and I was probably loaded on alcohol and I was probably like “ok” and I watched him grab it out of the trash and put it in his mouth and go to town chewing it. Later on after that shift I don’t remember how it came up but I was trying to be cool or something I’m not and asked him if he had a tattoo and this was before I had my big one but I showed him this one on my arm and he said something like I’ve got these “angel wings” on my back and I though how cute that must look buddy and next weekend or something after our shifts we went out behind the joint where we had a basketball goal and we were shooting hoops and drinking gin and he took off his shirt and had these massive wing things across his entire back that probably took hours or even days to create and I remembered the tobacco incident and thought “this guy is a complete gangster” in the best way. All of that is to say this chick in here has a surprisingly big tattoo across her back which was pretty studly and I feel like if we were in the same room together she’d be like one of those Alpha People who do things like stare at you and fart over and over and dare you to say something.

Soooooooooooo – is it worth it? Emmmmm ummmm errrrtt maybe. It’s low budget for sure. It’s also Canadian-y. I think someone might even drive a Peugeot. Or maybe even a Renault but I don’t think THAT should necessarily put you off. Oh one thing I did forget yo mention is that the practical effects are squishy and so gross so there’s that too. Low budget, decent fun I suppose.

FILED UNDER: ALL OF US HAVE SEEN MUCH WORSE BUT HEY THIS MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU KIND OF LIKE THESE CHEAP CIGARS I BOUGHT MY FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS AND THEY’RE ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD